Board Games with Shrek
Chapter 1: Hanabi
“By night one way, by day another,” said Fiona. “I wanted to show you before.”
As the sun set behind her, heavenly singing and sparkles surrounded Fiona as she transformed into an ogre.
“Well, uh, that explains a lot,” said Shrek.
“Ugh! It’s disgusting!” said Lord Farquaad. “Guards! Guards! I order you to get them out of my sight! Get them! Get them both!”
Guards began to seize Shrek and Fiona. Right when Lord Farquaad raised a sword to Fiona’s neck, Shrek whistled. Suddenly, Dragon came crashing through the windows behind them, with Donkey riding on top.
“All right, nobody move!” said Donkey. “I got a dragon here and I’m not afraid to use it.”
“Wait, wait, wait just one minute!” said Fiona. “I’m not just going to let you marry me because you come bursting forth.”
“Wait, what?” said Shrek, Donkey, and Lord Farquaad, in collective surprise.
“You must prove to me your worth as a groom,” said Fiona. “Please, engage yourselves in a battle of wits, and then I shall decide whom to take. Guards!”
The guards who were seizing Fiona paused, joining Shrek, Donkey, and Lord Farquaad in collective surprise.
“Bring out a table! Bring out the board games!” said Fiona. “Go on, we don’t have all day.”
The guards stared at each other for a few moments before following Fiona’s orders. They brought out a table and three chairs. Donkey took a seat. Shrek sat on Donkey’s right, and Lord Farquaad sat on Donkey’s left.
“What’s this game?” asked Donkey. “Hanabi?”
“How do you play Hanabi?” asked Shrek.
“Well, let’s read the rules and let’s play!” said Lord Farquaad.
The players chose to play with three cards per player, rather than the usual five; the rules were otherwise the same. In the following conversation, X, Y, and Z are three numbers, the same letter always representing the same number.
The first player took his turn. He turned to the Xth player, pointed to Y of his cards, and said “These cards have the number Y.”
The second player took his turn. He turned to the Zth player, pointed to X of his cards, and said “These cards have the number Z.”
The third player took his turn. He turned to the Yth player, pointed to Y of his cards, and said “These cards have the number X.”
The first player took his turn. He turned to the Xth player, pointed to X of his cards, and said “These cards have the number X.”
The second player took his turn. He turned to the Yth player, pointed to X of his cards, and said “These cards have the number Z.”
The third player took his turn. He discarded a card. Then he drew a card with the number Y.
The first player took his turn, pointing at a single card in someone else’s hand. After this turn, everyone knew the numbers of the cards they were holding.
“This is boring,” said Lord Farquaad.
“This is gonna take forever!” said Donkey.
“But here’s something interesting,” said Shrek. “If you take thrice the sum of the numbers of the cards that Lord Farquaad is holding, add it to the sum of the numbers of the cards that Donkey is holding, and subtract twice the sum of the numbers of the cards that I’m holding—”
“Oh,” said Fiona. “Was it taking too long? We should pick another board game then.”
Chapter 2: Takenoko
“How about this game?” said Fiona. “This one is called Takenoko.”
None of the plots mentioned have built-in improvements.
The first player placed a red plot on the lower-right of the pond. He then moved the gardener to the newly placed plot.
The second player placed a green plot. He then placed an irrigation channel on the border of the first and second plots.
The third player placed a yellow plot. He then placed an irrigation channel on the border of the first and third plots.
The first player rolled Wind. He placed a red plot. He then placed another red plot. Exactly one of these two plots were irrigated.
The second player rolled Sun. He placed a red plot adjacent to the first plot. He then placed an irrigation channel on the border of the third and sixth plots. He then moved the gardener to the fifth plot.
The third player rolled Rain. He placed a bamboo section on the third plot. He placed a green plot on the lower-right of the third plot. He then placed an irrigation channel on the border of the first and fourth plots.
“This is boring,” said Lord Farquaad.
“This is gonna take forever!” said Donkey.
“But here’s something interesting,” said Shrek. “If you take thrice the total number of bamboo sections on the plots I placed, add it to the total number of bamboo sections on the plots Lord Farquaad placed, and subtract the total number of bamboo sections on the plots Donkey placed—”
“Oh,” said Fiona. “Was it taking too long? We should pick another board game then.”
Chapter 3: Terror in Meeple City
“How about this game?” said Fiona. “This one is called Terror in Meeple City.”
The players chose to play without powers or the runaway board; the rules were otherwise the same. The characters of Donkey, Lord Farquaad, and Shrek were Brawler, Punk, and Softie, respectively.
The first player took his turn.
The second player took his turn, knocking off six meeples, one of each color, and two floors. “If it wasn’t for your turn,” said the second player to the first player, “I could’ve gained 10 more points this turn.”
The third player moved and ended up on the sidewalk in his starting neighborhood. He chose to demolish, knocking off the topmost four meeples and the top floor. The four meeples all landed in his neighborhood, two gray, and two black.
“This is boring,” said Lord Farquaad.
“This is gonna take forever!” said Donkey.
“But here’s something interesting,” said Shrek. “Suppose the game ended right now, and we scored as usual. Then if you take my points and add Donkey’s points—”
“Oh,” said Fiona. “Was it taking too long? We should pick another board game then.”
Chapter 4: Small World
“How about this game?” said Fiona. “This one is called Small World.”
The first player chose Merchant and Humans as his starting combo, which was the fourth combo from the top. He conquered a Region in the top-left corner of the map adjacent to the Sea, using three tokens to do so. He conquered a Region in the map adjacent to the top border of the board. He then used his remaining tokens to conquer the only Region possible to conquer without a Reinforcement Die roll. He does not redeploy his tokens.
The second player took the fourth combo from the top, which was Wealthy and Elves. He conquered all coastal regions adjacent to the lower-right sea. He then chose a Magic Region and rolled a 1 with the Reinforcement Die, which was enough to conquer it. He also does not redeploy his tokens.
The third player took the third combo from the top, which was Flying and Ratmen, and took the coins that were already on it. He was about to proceed with his turn, when Lord Farquaad spoke up.
“This is boring,” said Lord Farquaad.
“This is gonna take forever!” said Donkey.
“But here’s something interesting,” said Shrek. “If you tally the values of my current Victory coins—”
“Oh,” said Fiona. “Was it taking too long? We should pick another board game then.”
Chapter 5: Simurgh
“How about this game?” said Fiona. “This one is called Simurgh.”
Turns proceeded clockwise. They chose to play a short game in Spearman Mode. The starting Dragons of the players were, in turn order, #53, #55, and #57.
The first player placed tile #24 in the top-left slot of the wilds, taking the resource listed, and placed his Spearman on the multiple Vassal space of the tile. He then used the third Dragon Ability of his Dragon.
The second player placed his Spearman in the Forge. He then used the second and third Dragon Abilities of his Dragon.
The third player used the first Dragon Ability of his Dragon. He then placed his Dragonrider in the Barracks.
“This is boring,” said Lord Farquaad.
“This is gonna take forever!” said Donkey.
“But here’s something interesting,” said Shrek. “If you sum the number of vegetables, meat, wood, and stones that everyone has, then add the number of Ability Markers that Donkey and I have—”
“Oh,” said Fiona. “Was it taking too long? We should pick another board game then.”
Chapter 6: The Grizzled
“How about this game?” said Fiona. “This one is called The Grizzled.”
In the Grizzled, all the Trials cards have at least two Threats. In fact, all the Trials cards have exactly two Threats, except for A which have B Threats, and C which have D Threats. Here, A, B, C and D are different numbers.
The players chose to play the Rookie game.
The first player declared an intensity of 3.
For each of the next turns, each player played a Trials card. There were then N cards on No Man’s Land. It was now impossible for any Trials card in the game to be added to No Man’s Land without failing the mission, and no set of N+1 cards has this property.
Then each player withdrew. The first player gave a support tile to the player to his left. The second player gave a support tile to the player to his right. The third player gave a support tile to the player to his left.
The second player declared an intensity of 2.
For each of the next turns, each player played a Trials card. There were then M cards on No Man’s Land. It was now impossible for any Trials card in the game to be added to No Man’s Land without failing the mission, and no set of M–1 cards has this property.
Then each player withdrew. The first player gave a support tile to the player to his left. The second player gave a support tile to the player to his right. The third player gave a support tile to the player to his left.
“This is boring,” said Lord Farquaad.
“This is gonna take forever!” said Donkey.
“But here’s something interesting,” said Shrek. “If you take twice the number of Donkey’s support tiles, add twice the number of cards in my hand, then add the number of cards in Lord Farquaad’s hand—”
“Oh,” said Fiona. “Was it taking too long? We should pick another board game then.”
Chapter 7: Mint Works
“How about this game?” said Fiona. “This one is called Mint Works.”
The players did not play with any Advanced Locations.
The first player put one mint on the Supplier card to get the Co-op card.
The second player put a mint on the Producer card.
The third player put a mint on the Producer card.
The first player put mints on the Builder card.
The second player put a mint on the Leadership Council card.
All the players passed. The first player chose the third player to gain an additional mint. Then the players finished the Upkeep phase.
“This is boring,” said Lord Farquaad.
“This is gonna take forever!” said Donkey.
“But here’s something interesting,” said Shrek. “If you take twice the number of mints I have, and add the number of mints Lord Farquaad has—”
“Oh,” said Fiona. “Was it taking too long? We should pick another board game then.”
Chapter 8: Le Havre
“How about this game?” said Fiona. “This one is called Le Havre.”
The players chose to play the shortened version.
The first player moved his ship, then took the Cattle on offer.
The second player moved his ship, then took the Grain on offer.
The third player moved his ship, then took the Iron on offer.
The first player moved his ship, then took the Clay on offer.
The second player moved his ship, then took the Wood on offer.
The third player moved his ship, then took the Fish on offer.
The first player moved his ship, then took the Francs on offer. After this, each of the offer spaces were empty, except for one Wood and one Clay token. Before the round ended, Lord Farquaad spoke up.
“This is boring,” said Lord Farquaad.
“This is gonna take forever!” said Donkey.
“But here’s something interesting,” said Shrek. “If you take Lord Farquaad’s total number of Francs, Wood, Iron, and Cattle, and subtract my total number of Fish, Clay, and Grain—”
“Oh,” said Fiona. “Was it taking too long? Well, we’ve run out of board games.”
“I’m tired of all of this! Every time we move on to a new board game, I was going to make an interesting observation, but everyone keeps ignoring me. What gives? Why am I being treated like I don’t exist?” asked Shrek.